Designing Your Personal Happiness Portfolio
A proven strategy that works.
“No matter where you’re from or how you define happiness, seeking and experiencing happiness is a fundamental aspect of human nature.”
-Arthur Brooks/Dalai Lama conversation from Managing happiness course.
Photo by Seth Kane on Unsplash
Once, during my early childhood, I heard my parents argue. I clearly remember feeling uncomfortable, like an internal storm. My room, which I shared with two sisters, was empty. There and then, I decided to make supper for my three besties: teddy, doll, and imaginary friend. My twin and I both received a teddy bear from our father when we were 4. The name of my doll was Anne, a gift from my beloved grandmother. My imaginary friend was called Lille Grethe, (little Grethe), named after a popular Norwegian child singer and performer at the time. These dinner guests were vital to my existence during those early years, and I constantly played with them.
Seafood was on the menu. I walked to the nearby, newly build fish store, and asked for food for my cat. At no charge, the sales lady wrapped up a few sardines and gave me the little packet. She was used to kids coming in, asking for cat food. Back home, I placed the sardines in an empty candy tin, poured some water, and put on the lid. The impending meal “cooked” somewhere in my room, while I joyfully cared for, and entertained my favorite company. My world was now a happy place, free from disturbing elements. I created hygge and stability.
We spend life living on a continuum between chaos and peace. According to Meriam Webster the definition for chaos is a state of utter confusion, disorder, and shambles. The same dictionary defines the antonym to chaos as order, structure, and system. This state is dynamic, and we vacillate between the two. In his book, “12 Rules for Life An Antidote to Chaos,” Jordan B. Peterson has this to say,” Life is a constant balance between chaos and order. If you lose yourself to either, it will be hard to find meaning.” Frank Lobo writes in his Medium article, “A healthy society, and for that matter, a healthy individual, is a balance between chaos and order.” Many can agree that being on either extreme can represent unhappiness or happiness as well. Moving up or down on the continuum is often a choice.
“Most folks are as happy as they make up their mind to be.”
-Abraham Lincoln
I have always considered myself a happy person, but I am not always happy. Nobody is in harmony at all times, but everyone is in harmony sometimes. Creating a routine of happiness in my life is a conscious priority. Although there are criteria for defining happiness, yours may be different for mine. That is all right because there is no right or wrong. Happiness is a subjective experience. You must build your portfolio on what matters to you and what is essential for a thriving lifestyle. The three priorities that drive my daily lifestyle are health, family, and meaning. Your priorities may be different, but they all come from either tending to the body, the mind, or the spirit.
1. Having a non-conflicting state of mind. The mind is the control station, and it is up to us to use it in a way that benefits our well-being. Spending a few minutes in daily meditation helps me to watch the working of my thoughts. It helps me to handle emotions and unexpected chaos. This is not easy. At times we have to endure hard curve balls from life and deal with them the best that we can. Severity and duration may differ, but there is no escape. The point is to learn and grow in the process.
To love and to be loved, finding balance, order, and peace is the ultimate outcome that we seek, intentionally or unintentionally. At the same time, we must stay true to our own authenticity. This is not an easy task either, but it gets easier as we age.
Because I am a nurse, the “helping “muscle must be habitually exercised for me to enjoy balance. But make no mistake, I have learned to help myself first. I don’t always do right, but I stay within the self-acceptance zone on most days. Most days of the week, account for five days in my book. Perfection is the surest way to misery because there is none.
“The only source of knowledge is experience.”
-Albert Einstein
2. Nurturing and exercising my body. The body is the operating system, and it is the vessel that carries us through life. Feeding the body in a way that promotes energy and cardiovascular health is a big part of my happiness quota. I don’t always act according to my own standards. There are times that I mess up, big time. If I exceed my standard 1–2 glasses of wine, I tend to forget about my “standards, “and attack the chocolate or black liquorice, or any sweets in the cupboard. That does not make me feel like a happy camper when I wake up next morning.
I have been blessed with five grandchildren, and therefore want to live healthy and happy until I am 113 years old. Then my youngest grand child will be 50, and I’ll be ready to exit this world. Eating and drinking in congruence with my standard health expectations is important for my general happiness. Most days are a beautiful concept, against which I judge myself.
3. Connecting to the spirit. Doing what we love and loving what we do. This is directly connected to the spirit and the essence of who we are. Bringing awareness to what matters, using your own unique ability is super important to personal happiness. One of the treasured attributes I received at birth is writing. I love to write, especially something that can benefit another person.
Having family and friends over for dinner, spending time with grandchildren, reading, swimming, walking, and biking are activities that contribute to my happiness. Most days include some of these undertakings, adding meaning to the present.
And I am happy in the early morning hours. In the quiet darkness, when the world is still asleep, I count my blessings. That is when I feel most connected to the universal oneness, and happiness is resting at my feet.
Consistently, Norway is among the top 10 happiest countries in the world to live, according to the United Nations Happiness Report. For the past 10 years, March 20 is observed as the International Day of Happiness. The report is the result of a global Gallup survey from people in more than 150 countries. Responding to questions, answers are rated on a scale from 1–10. High scores come from experiencing social inclusion, health, and prosperity.
In the year 2017 Norway topped the list. This year, 2023, they came in number 6. The citizens of Norway report of being satisfied with having the benefits of universal health care, work-life balance, and free college tuition. Norwegians enjoy a high GDP per capita and a strong sense of community. They’re also notorious for spending leisure time in the great outdoors. To this, I can testify. Getting outside and enjoying mother nature is a huge contributor to my daily happiness.
“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness And just be happy.”
-Guillaume Apollinaire
The United States also ranked high on the list of the happiest countries in the world to live. They came in at number 15. Americans don’t have universal health care and free college tuition, but life in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave is pretty good for the average citizen. The GDP in the US is less evenly distributed than in Norway, but Americans have the freedom to choose their own lifestyle and to seek social rest. Despite economic slowdown, the American Dream is alive and well, along with the freedom to pursue personal creativity and happiness.
“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but balance, Rhythm, and harmony.”
-Thomas Merton
Designing our own lifestyle is a privilege. Bringing awareness to what matters is something we can all do. Bringing meaning and happiness into our daily life is a priority. Understanding that order is better than chaos is a sound platform on which to build a plan for daily activities. It is not about conformity, but about stabilizing our routine so that when storms strike, which is certain to happen, we have the strength and the power to handle the chaos.
How can we describe a happy lifestyle? What ingredients are essential for a happy life? Do we have agency to create our own happiness, or is it out of our control?
Mr. Arthur Brooks is one person who has some answers. He is a professor at Harvard Business School, and he has spent most of his life doing research on what makes people thrive. Mr. Brooks has traveled around the world, and he has dedicated his life to study the art and science of happiness. He teaches a course in Managing Happiness, and he says that we can define happiness by using a metaphor of a well-balanced meal that is complete with macronutrients. But instead of food’s macronutrients of protein, carbohydrates, and fat, — enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning are the ingredients for happiness.
In his course, Mr. Brooks says that we can think of our happiness as a portfolio with four big categories of investments. The four categories help us grow happiness in a balanced way.
1. The first investment is faith or life philosophy, it’s how you make sense of the world.
2. The second investment is family, which are the relationships that you don’t generally choose, but which you can count on through thick and thin.
3. The third investment category are friendships, which you choose, and which are generally your most intimate relationships.
4. The fourth is meaningful work. That doesn’t mean work that pays a fortune or features a fancy title. Rather, it’s work that allows you to earn your success and serve others.
“Everybody can be great because everybody can serve.”
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
Arthur Brooks says that each aspect of the portfolio is critically important to experience happiness, and like any portfolio, it needs to be balanced.
Based on this, you can create your own happiness portfolio. Use these categories as guidelines and carefully, think through what matters to you. Then incorporate the activities and philosophies into your daily lifestyle and make it a routine. It may take some quiet time with a journal and deep thinking. Nothing is more worthwhile than designing a personal lifestyle with happiness as the main objective.
I chose to combine all relationships, family, and friends, into one category. That frees up one category that I use for the body. Mr. Brooks did not include health or the body in his portfolio. The body deserves top priority, without it we can’t do much. Yet, I do know of healthy people who are unhappy, and I do know of sick patients who are happy. But ultimately, our body needs to be taken care of. It must last long enough to carry us through life, through the chaos, and through the order.
Including all the categories, we must bring awareness to what matters to the entire being. We are more than our parts. We are whole. Our job in creating a happy, successful, and orderly lifestyle is about creating a home where our body and mind and spirit may find rest.
“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”
-Maya Angelou
Photo by Ian Keefe on Unsplash
Denmark is all about creating cozy home environments and came in second, after Finland, in this year’s happiness Report. In the international bestseller, The Little Book of Hygge, Danish Secrets to Happy Living, Meik Wiking writes about how the Danish treasure their hygge, a cozy home environment. It is all about creating a safe and relaxing environment with good food, family, friends, candles, tranquility, and safety. The long, dark., and cold winters call for a home environment that can be enjoyed solo or together with family and friends. The word hygge is exactly the same in Norwegian, and just as vital to Norwegians’ well-being. Denmark and Norway were a united kingdom for several hundred years. Many common vocabulary words and traditions come from shared history.
Thinking back to my young self in Norway, I realized something. As the child Annelie, I had already learned a valuable lesson. I put that lesson into practice when I transformed the environment in my room. Instead of suffering from hearing my parents argue, I moved into the active role of becoming a caregiver. I made dinner for my teddy, my doll, and my imaginary friend. A moment with meaning stilled the internal storm. I created hygge, a cozy and happy environment. This I had learned from my mother. Her cooking and serving family meals used to fill me with a sense of warmth and security. That signaled that everything is alright. It still does, and I dare say, it is common to the human nature that we all share.
Regardless of your age, learning to create order and happiness in your life is a conscious decision and a worthwhile effort. That does not mean that you are except from chaos and disarray. It means that you can better navigate the storms, learn from them, and grow in the direction of your personal dreams, vision, and happiness.
🇳🇴Annelie Holmene Pelaez believes that everyone has an attribute to share with others. Promoting cardiovascular health and helping adults over age 65 is her contribution. When we don’t let age define us, but rather empower us to grow, we discover health and happiness are byproducts of who we are.
Annelie is the author of the book, Say Yes to A Better Life, available at Amazon.
Sign up for free information that can help you move north.
