Confidence Wears Red Lipstick

Our thoughts control our body and mind, behaviors, and life

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words: they become actions. Watch your actions: they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” — Lao Tze

Like many divorced women, I found that one full-time job was not enough to make ends meet. As a nurse, I was lucky; extra jobs were abundant. On Wednesdays, after finishing my shift in the ICU, I walked over to the hospital’s Cardiac Rehabilitation Center to work a few more hours.

Here, I watched the heart monitors when patients did their exercise routines. Chest pain, arrhythmia, tolerance, and vital signs were closely monitored. The cardiac rehab program improved patients’ quality of life, helping them strengthen the heart muscle that was weakened from cardiovascular disease (CVD), heart disease, or a heart attack.

Julia was the exercise physiologist on my shift. She designed the patients’ guidelines and exercise programs. She also worked part-time while returning to school to become a physician assistant (PA). She was a vibrant, full-size woman in her late 20’s. Julia had a big smile and an easy laugh, and she elevated the atmosphere in the often-somber room.

Wearing a white shirt, jeans, and high-heeled boots, she wore a hint of fresh cologne when she interacted with patients. They all loved her. With her head high and a straight posture, she walked as if she owned the world. And Julia wore bright, red lipstick.

"Who does she think she is!” squeaked a little mouse in the corner.

Confidence has a language of its own. It is easy to spot a confident person through their body language, their posture, and the way they speak. For someone without this powerful characteristic, it can be cultivated. But first, we need to understand what confidence is.

Confidence has a language of its own. It is easy to spot a confident person through their body language, their posture, and the way they speak. For someone without this powerful characteristic, it can be cultivated. But first, we need to understand what confidence is.

What is confidence?

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” — Peter T. McIntyre

Make no mistake, confidence is a good word. Self-confidence is about being comfortable in our own body and trusting in ourselves; that we can handle the task at hand. It is not about knowing everything, but about having a positive belief that we can figure things out and achieve our goals. Better yet, it is about knowing where to get help when we need it.

An article in Psychology Today reports that being confident requires a realistic sense of what we know and what we do not, and the ability to feel secure in that knowledge. Not only is confidence a valuable personal trait that helps us, but it also puts the people around us at ease. The older we get, the more we need to feel confident, for our well-being, and the people we love. The same article informs us that confidence and narcissism are not the same thing.

Narcissism is often associated with insecurity and defense mechanisms, whereas confidence makes us feel competent. The same article informs us that confidence and narcissism are not the same thing. Narcissism is often associated with insecurity and defense mechanisms, whereas confidence makes us feel competent.

Who cares if old people are confident or not?

Watch you thinking, girl. Our thoughts become our life. Stay away from what brings us down. Remember, it is mind over matter; if you don’t mind, it does not matter. But it matters to me. I have big plans on board: I want to live until I am 113 years old, when my youngest grandchild turns 50.

If you want to prevent decline and foster independence and well-being, it should matter to you. According to an article published in PubMed Central (PMC), confidence matters deeply to Boomers and their older sisters. The aim of the article is to recount a concept analysis of confidence in the context of older people living with frailty.

This is important to the global healthy-aging agenda, which seeks to prevent the erosion of independence and well-being among the growing number of older adults. The results showed that the three defining attributes of confidence were identified as physical, psychological, and social.

Furthermore, it showed that a central feature of personal control influences our internal and external factors. Those control factors can be positive or negative for our physical health and well-being. What does “a central feature of personal control” mean?

Positive thinking creates a positive influence, and negative thinking creates a negative one; the same glass is half full or half empty, depending on the influence our thoughts create.

Remember, we think with words. Our words influence how we act. When we act repeatedly in the same way, those actions become our habits. Our habits become a thermostat for our character. In other words, our personality, who we are, is created from our characteristics.

Think about this for a minute: what differentiates the outcome of people’s good or bad characters, their morals, and their standards? The answer is, of course, our day, our life, and our destiny. The bottom line is that the way we think shapes the outcome of our day. String those days together, and they become our life. So, order your thoughts, order your life.

The link between confidence, health, and fitness

“Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice, he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation.” — James Allen

Science-backed studies link our physical fitness to our health. One article shows that regular exercise can boost self-esteem and self-confidence in people who lack confidence to begin with. The reason is that when we exercise, our bodies release endorphins. These endorphins are natural mood boosters. Endorphins have many benefits. Here are some of the benefits we experience from exercise: the release of endorphins. This, in turn, boosts our confidence. Exercise positively impacts our physical health and mental well-being; it enhances our body image and self-esteem; it increases our energy and vitality, and it improves our posture and body language.

We are not born with confidence as a fixed characteristic. Confidence is an ability we can cultivate and refine over time. If your confidence is held back by anxiety and self-doubt, start building it by celebrating your daily wins. Every day has a win, even if it's just getting out of bed and brushing your teeth, or calling a friend to pay a bill.

Think the thoughts, feel the self-satisfaction, and say the words,” I am so glad I did that.”I

In my evening journaling, I ask myself: “What three wins did I have today? A win can be that I wrote for one hour, had my grandsons over for dinner, walked 30 minutes, or cleaned out the refrigerator. You’ll be surprised to see how confident it makes you feel by simply stating three wins of the day.

Notice that these four examples all require effort. An article in Psychology Today reports that we gain confidence by sticking up for ourselves and by meeting our goals. Responding to your friend’s dessert offer, “No, thank you. It looks delicious, but my body cannot handle the high blood sugars anymore,” is an act of sticking up for yourself.

Small goals are easier to attain than big goals. Getting rid of 15 pounds of body weight may be a noble goal, but losing a pound during the coming week is more likely. Then, go ahead and do what needs to be done to drop that pound. This increases confidence. Not all days in everyone’s life are always spectacular.

“Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine.”— Jack Ma

Like most people, I went through hard times. Remembering the years around the time I worked at the cardiac rehab, sunshine and rainbows were hard to come by. Those times were tough. Yet, looking back, everything happened in a meaningful order.

The Universe had my back. I think of Julia. Her confidence was remarkable. The time I spent working with her was delightful. Today, I am my own advocate for confidence. Age 74 is no time to hold back.

When my mind struggles to hold onto positive thoughts, I take a deep breath, and I stand up straight. After adding a touch of cologne and some red lipstick, I limp out the door. With bilateral walking poles and my chin up, I walk as if I own the whole, damn, beautiful world.

Thank you ❤️

This story was first published on Medium.